Teaching is about one third inspiration, knowledge, imagination, and two thirds just sheer hard work and discipline. I am finding myself constantly up and down in this job. The ups are always about working with the kids. The downs are always about the lack of a work-life balance. Frankly there is no balance. i have loads of work, and no life.
What keeps coming to mind as I think of this job is the word sacrifice. Not to dress it up as heroic, brave or in some way imply that we teachers are saviours of the world. Get thy homework in on time and ye shall have eternal life.
Its more a case of the fact that this is a job that needs to be done. Its always about the kids, giving them a future, helping them grow into productive and caring citizens. For that to happen I have to give a lot of myself. I sacrifice my spare time to make sure my lessons are properly planned and that marking is done, and a million other little jobs that always come up. Stuff just has to be done or else the kids don't learn.
In giving of myself of course I get a lot back in return. I get to share in the lives of hundreds of people as they learn to be, and eventually become, adults. I see their highs and lows, and their middles. I get to reward their successes, pick them up after their failures, and keep them going during their gooey middles. I don't just mark books, collect homework or set tests. I build confidence and esteem, develop social skills, fix broken hearts, listen to problems, give attention when no-one else does, and generally exist for these kids.
Teaching in interdependence in action. The kids need me. Not as the individual that I am, but just as someone willing to be available for them. And in return I need them. I need them to remind me why the sacrifice is so worthwhile. I need them to give my life meaning and to help find my own identity and ultimately my own destiny.
So maybe I have less time for watching TV, listening to music or just wasting time on the Internet. but perhaps in sacrificing this kind of free time, I am actually giving myself a much more valuable gift in living alongside these lives as they develop. Would I rather be a passive consumer of culture, or would I rather take part in helping spawn our future artists, film-makers, doctors, politicians, musicians?
When I think of it like that, it seems an easy choice.
What age group are you teaching? (Just curious.) I used to teach, it was one of the most rewarding things I've done in my life. Its one of the instances I feel like I may have come close to experiencing self-less giving actually.
ReplyDeleteI think you've got the gist of it. But try not to think of it as 'sacrifice' at all. Because its not. You're giving your experience of the world through these kids to yourself... Its a huge opportunity and a wonderful gift...
All the best to you in your efforts.
- Happi.
Hi Happi,
ReplyDeletethank you. that is really how I'm trying to come aroudn to seeing it, you are very right. I get a much more authentic and full experience of life in sharing experiences with others- and what better way to do that than to share in learning with young people!
What did you teach and for how long? What made you escape?
I am teaching 11 to 16 at the minute. well really 11 to 14 as I don't have the GCSE kids yet. I really find that zen really helps me to deal with the strain of it. And towards the end of term as I lost my practice I started to lose my calmness and ability to just tke things as they come. So half-term is very welcome chance to catch up on some cushion time.
I taught at a University. One big pre-med class (350 students) and a small graduate student class (20), both while maintaining a research program.
ReplyDeleteThing is, in that setting you get dropped into teaching with little preparation in how to teach! My first two years, I was horrible at it (I'm referring to the big class) -- overprepared (and tired because of it), inhibited and even defensive at times.
Coincidentally and for other reasons, right about that time, I got serious about my practice. It was my practice and sitting that 'saved' me, allowed to figure out what I was doing wrong. I just had to 'forget myself' and be! (This was the opposite of the advice I was getting from my colleagues by the way.) The funny thing is it allowed me more time to take care of myself and realize the importance of my own 'state' in my ability to teach well, e.g. I didn't work so hard anymore (of course, much of the lecture material I'd already prepared by then) got more sleep and was able to be more responsive (and creative and have more fun in finding ways to get information across). And good things started to flow naturally.. (Ended up getting better teaching evaluations than any of my colleagues!)
I think that's why your use of the word 'sacrifice' bothered me a bit. Self-less behavior can reinforce duality, divisions, separation (you're just putting yourself on the other side of the dividing line) and can come back at you in all sorts of ways.
I left because I did not get tenure, though not due to my teaching (it was a very competitive place). I did not apply elsewhere because my responsibilities compelled me to go in a different direction. But I miss teaching tremendously at times... Something I get to sit with on occasion!
Glad you had the time to respond.